I've blown a few things in my day
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
