So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
