it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
