Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
