Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I touched a dick in church today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
