Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
