Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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