Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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