We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
