Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
