i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
