I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
