And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
