just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
