well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
tell me about the fingering
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