And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The Olympian is in my bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
