He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize