You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
