I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
