she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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