I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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