I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
