I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
