In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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