they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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