You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
