I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
