I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
