We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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