I hate your face
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
