She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
