Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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