apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
