Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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