I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
