every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
