He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
