It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
