I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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