Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
