This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
