I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
