remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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