I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
