He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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