i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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