a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize