I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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