just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
