dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
