I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
