is your mom at the bar?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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