Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
