Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
