Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
