Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
