Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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