i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
