I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
