he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
