literally had 100 drinks last night.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
