Tell her she can't have a vagina
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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