Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
His nipple licking is glorious
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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