dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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