Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
