Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
