my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize