i just google imaged poop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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