It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
