the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
