Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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