Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i've created a new STD.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
