part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize