when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am one with the molecules
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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