If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize