remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
