am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
