the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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