wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize