Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
