I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
