Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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