I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
