he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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