There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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