Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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