His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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